Top Ten Madonna Moments of 2011

We Madonna fans got a lot of hackneyed product this year, for sure. We got a perfume named Truth or Dare, a second Hard Candy Fitness Center (this time in Moscow), and of course more Macy's-based Material Girl clothes. What's next, a Ray of Light line of lamps?

We kid! We kid! If the foregoing was all Madonna did this year - and understandable as that may be with such an overstuffed 2012 on deck - we'd hang up our blogger pen and call it a year at that.

So, let's get serious.

"I Love New York" was featured on "Glee". David Guetta won a Grammy for his remix of "Revolver". Madonna has a new boytoy half her age named Brahim Zaibat.

Not enough? Okay, then, how about we get to the REAL Madonna year that was? Coming right up: a turgid twelve months of a woman that doesn't just rest on her laurels and think of goods to name after her famous song titles.

10. Madonna tapes Oprah's finale tribute episode (May 17). When the Queen of Talk said she'd be hanging up her mic, speculation about who her final guest would be was off the charts. How could Oprah possibly choose among all the world-class names she'd be accorded access to? It turns out, she didn't have to. The very final episode of "The Oprah Winfrey Show" starred only Oprah herself, speaking directly to her audience and viewers about what she had learned and hoped to impart over the show's 25 years on-air. The two penultimate episodes, then, were a staggeringly star-studded four-hour event shot at Chicago's 20,000-seat United Center and hosted by Tom Hanks. One huge surprise guest after another (Beyonce, Michael Jordan) was paraded out. And then, almost lastly, one surprise was introduced by Hanks as "a hard-working mother of four" from New York who considered herself an "ultimate viewer". Ladies and gentlemen, it was Madonna, who showered a visibly stunned Oprah with praise and even named Winfrey as her only living role model. The reunion of these two media giants capped a strong professional relationship dating back to 1996 (for Evita promotion) and carrying through Ray of Light and "The English Roses" eras to the adoption of David in 2006.

9. Madonna wows at Met Gala (May 2). After a disastrous homage to Donnie Darko at the same event two years ago, Madge brought the glamour to the annual Museum of Metropolitan Art's Costume Institute Gala Benefit. In her lovely pale blue Stella McCartney gown, she absolutely radiated stardom. Dubious assertion that she felt "fat" in the dress aside, Madonna kept it classy on the brink of a ton of high-profile red carpet trolling, bracing herself for the impending W.E. promo stroll. Make-up, hair and accessories done to perfection, belying her 52 years, Madonna all but eradicated her (considerable) fashion missteps. In fact, more than one commenter suggested Madonna's appearance here harked back to her youthful, romantic mid-'90s look. Note: that was 15 years ago. Give face! Beauty! Face! Face!

8. Madonna's lawyers go after Spanish fan for "Madonnaleaks" (December 21). Remember during the age of Napster when Madonna sprinkled into file-sharing networks audio files intentionally mislabeled as leaks from the Music album? Remember those files actually just had her saying "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" and then several seconds of silence? Remember how we all shook our heads and laughed? Well, in a time when the recording industry is still suffering, musical artists no longer find piracy a joke. So it was this December when Madonna sicked her lawyers on "one of Madonna's biggest fans", a resident of Zaragoza, Spain, who somehow released a demo of upcoming single "Gimme All Your Luvin" (at the time generally known as "Give Me All Your Love"). Via Guy Oseary, Madonna tweeted, "My true fans wouldn't do this. Whoever is responsible for this leak, we ask that you please stop!" It's difficult to determine when leaks are sanctioned - last year's treasure trove of unreleased tracks had an air of authenticity, and Oseary commenting on the demo's warm reception underscored how commonplace intentional, word-of-mouth-building leaks might be - but, for Pete's sake, when Madonna kindly asks you to cease and desist, you just comply.

7. Lady Gaga's "Born This Way" is released (February 11). The lead single from the Lady-in-waiting's same-named album was certainly one of 2011's musical success stories: it debuted at Number One on the Billboard Hot 100 and sold over three million digital copies. But almost instantly upon release, Madonna was evoked. Specifically, "Express Yourself" was evoked. A lot. Some critics agreed with early listeners and noted the "unintentional" (sayeth Lady Gaga) similarities, suggesting how hard it must be to climb out of the shadow of a pioneer who seemingly did it all, sonically or otherwise. There was no official statement from the Queen (a study in homages - and no stranger to accusations of artistic theft - herself) on this issue, but she did quietly upload the "Express Yourself" video to her YouTube channel. A rumor even quickly spread that a re-release of the 1989 classic was being mulled. High road (mostly) taken, a diva showdown never materialized, but the brief whiff of bitchiness was unmistakable.

6. Smirnoff announces a Madonna-starring "dance celebration" (August 17). The summer press release declaring that Madonna was participating in Smirnoff's Nightlife Exchange Project at Roseland in the fall wasn't particularly headline-making on its own. To the contrary, it was almost - pardon the pun - dispiriting. (Another endorsement?!). What was most exciting about this partnership announcement was that it, with its mention of a competition for a slot in Madonna's crew, portended a tour in 2012. This was the first official confirmation of a tour (the first new one since 2008), which meant we could back into a first-quarter album release date. The event on November 12 was a velvet-rope night in NYC, with a mostly silent Madonna, who emerged from the stage in typically dramatic, club-thumping fashion, winnowing down twelve pre-selected finalists and choosing Lil' Buck of Memphis for the coveted spot. With album co-producer Martin Solveig teasing out throbbing, lyric-free club music from the DJ booth ("Is this a preview??") and Madonna finally leading the crowd with a few cheers from the recently leaked "Gimme All Your Luvin" ("Y! O! U! You wanna?"), fans were amped up for the new sound ahead.

5. Madonna signs with Interscope (December 15). When Madonna and Warner Bros. Records parted ways after 25 years and bajillions of dollars together, it was hard to imagine the Material Girl going back to the traditional multi-record pact days of old. And though she simultaneously consecrated her lucrative, multi-faceted 360 deal with Live Nation, after she fulfilled her obligations to Warner Bros. with Celebration in 2009, a new means of old-school distribution of the next album was still needed. Ultimately, the Universal Music-owned Interscope locked Madge in for three albums to the tune of a reported $40 million. Live Nation brokered the deal for its marquee talent and Interscope, where she will join the likes of Lady Gaga and WBR-defecting Van Halen. Whatever it takes to get that album out there, please!

4. Madonna's Super Bowl XLVI halftime performance is confirmed (December 4). On October 5, the website sbnation.com reported that for the first time since 2004, a solo female performer was taking the stage during the 46th Super Bowl halftime show on February 5 in Indianapolis. No stranger to this rumor, Madonna made no comment. Football fans scoffed and Madonna fans scratched their heads. Could it be? After the MTV-produced debacle featuring Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake and the FCC and a nipple piercing, the National Football League erred on the side of "oldies" acts like the Rolling Stones and Prince in recent years. Was Madonna considered "safe" now? Do drunk straight guys want to see this? It all seemed unlikely ... until it wasn't. On December 4, it became official. The NFL broadcasted an announcement during one of its games with a spot that gave any true Madonna fan goosebumps ("One legend is taking the field for the first time ever."). Later on, it was revealed that she was teaming with Cirque de Soleil, ascending pop star Nicki Minaj and raptress M.I.A. for what is always the largest televised event of the year. It will be, by far, Madonna's largest audience ever. The rumored setlist is chock full of her standards (as of now, supposedly "Holiday", "Music", "Ray of Light", "Vogue") with her new single leading off. Good luck, Madge, and, we beseech thee, no wardrobe malfunctions.

3. Boy George tweets that Madonna is in the studio with William Orbit (July 31). We hate to credit the man who once called Madonna "a vile, hideous, horrible human being with no redeeming qualities" with breaking perhaps the biggest Madonna-related news of the year. But being that that she would allegedly be re-teaming with Ray of Light producer William Orbit, we'd have gladly believed even the most pathological of liars; we just needed it to be true. Much of Madonna's late-'90s and early-aughts work with "Billy Bubbles" is indisputably among her best (and certainly her most Grammy-winning) and fans have been clamoring for a return to form after some post-Orbit critical and commercial stumbles perceived in 2003's American Life, 2008's Hard Candy and 2009's Celebration. (Consensus dictates that 2005's Confessions on a Dance Floor gets a pass.) While it has become clear Orbit would be sharing producer duties with a few others, anticipation remains exceedingly high. No pressure.

2. Raising Malawi nixes Academy for Girls amid financial woes and management shake-up (March 24). She herself once sang, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." Madonna now knows that better than anyone. Raising Malawi, her pet charity, nearly imploded in the wake of a scandal involving serious allegations against some executives. Madge and Guy Oseary briskly stepped in as part of a caretaker board but $3.8 million allocated for the Academy for Girls had already been squandered, killing the project. Was the charity now being investigated by the FBI? Were Raising Malawi employees now suing Madonna personally? Would Madonna abandon the impoverished country from which she adopted two of her children? Madge flack Liz Rosenberg issued a statement on April 5 to dispel some of the rumors, and a settlement was reached with disgruntled ex-employees who sued for wrongful termination and bristled at an onerous proposed confidentiality agreement. These setbacks will not daunt Madonna, who has committed to staying in the country and helping out, suggesting perhaps building many schools throughout the country. But did the drama help to put doubts in Madge's mind about her cherished faith Kabbalah, which has at least some peripheral influence on Raising Malawi? In April, there was talk that Madonna was considering converting to the ultra secretive Catholic sect Opus Dei. To no one's surprise, that wasn't true. Madonna is, for now, staying the course and is likely, due to these tribulations, more committed to her faith than ever.

1(b). The infamous "hydrangea video" goes viral (September 6). While promoting W.E. (see #1(a) below) at a Venice Film Festival press conference, our dear icon, when presented with a bunch of flowers, was captured on camera indelicately making faces and on mic saying the now-classic "I absolutely loathe hydrangeas". Almost instantaneously the video got widely disseminated on the internet, triggering millions of eye rolls and electrifying the haters. To her credit(?), Madonna gamely released an oddly unapologetic response days later. But the damage was done. That the "fan" was later revealed to be an Italian prankster did little to staunch the knee-jerk "Madonna is a thankless witch" vitriol. Hydrangeagate was "gotcha" pop journalism at its finest and, for Madonna fans always on the defense, most cringe-inducing.

1(a). W.E. premieres at the Venice Film Festival (September 1). If for nothing else, the official unveiling of Madonna's second directorial effort was a huge relief in that the film was, after several false starts and bad buzz, finally out in the world, removing any further roadblocks for the star to enter the recording studio. Less cynically, the movie, about the controversial love affair between Wallis Simpson and the Prince of Wales in the 1930s, was hailed as an ambitious, immaculately costumed and sumptuous piece of filmmaking, even if reviews were decidedly mixed-to-negative. Madonna's passion project has garnered magazine covers and a slew of M interviews. It was also nominated for two Golden Globes, including one for the Madonna-penned back-to-soundtrack-form "Masterpiece" (a collaboration with William Orbit), a song that was eliminated for Academy Award consideration due to a music cue technicality. (No possibility of a third amazing Oscar telecast performance? Heads should roll.) The film will officially be released in early 2012, during a period of colossal symbiosis with the Super Bowl, the new album and details about the tour. Happy New Year, indeed!

Top Ten Madonna Moments of 2010

The Madonna brand, in both the literal and figurative senses, seemed to be this year's dominant theme, from a passive investment in coconut water to more aggressive marketing in apparel and fitness clubs, to the expected musical accomplishment: tying with Bob Dylan with 19 Top Ten albums (by way of Sticky & Sweet Tour CD/DVD, released in March), 11 albums shy of Barbra Streisand's perch.

True, a majority of 2010 found Madonna toiling away on her second feature film as director, set for release in 2011. But our London and New York-minded gal still bookended a typically crammed year by extending her presence (and presents) on other continents like South America (a sojourn to Carnival in Rio, the final throes of the Jesus Luz Affair) and Africa (laying the foundation for the Raising Malawi Academy for Girls, snagging a VH1 Do Something Award, playing Santa - and presumably not "Santa Baby" - for needy orphans).

With Madonna nearly everywhere, it's quaint knowing that there is at least one place, for now, that you definitely won't permanently see her name. This summer's delicious gossip upped the ante on the evergreen Vegas rumor by alleging Madge turned down a staggering $1 billion, five-year residency gig in Sin City.

Fat chance of "Madonna at Caesars" in the foreseeable future, but, hey, you never know, especially after skimming her wild year in the rearview mirror:

10. Hard Candy Fitness opens in Mexico City (November 29). For at least the past 14 years, since Madonna entered her Ray of Light-era yoga phase, talk of her body has nearly eclipsed her body of work. So it's only natural that Madonna, in a branding-heavy year, would link up with New Evolution Ventures to launch a chain of high-end, state-of-the-art fitness centers. First stop: Mexico City. Next stop: Moscow. At the Mexico City launch, Madonna walked the red carpet, cut the ribbon and then changed into workout clothes and led a dance class for inaugural members. While you may never get into as good as shape as Madge, you may be inspired to your utmost by the watchful gaze of the artful Madonna likenesses festooned about.

9 . Liz Rosenberg leaves Warner Bros. (February 23). Ain't no other flack like Liz. And so when one of the most well-known publicists in the biz parted ways with her record label home after several decades of service (as Madonna herself did in 2007) to form Liz Rosenberg Media, it was a no-brainer that one of her top clients would remain the walking newsmaker that is Madonna. Liz fields nearly every press inquiry, dispels rumors left and right, and has been a confidante of the megastar for longer than Lady Gaga has been alive. At times understandably prickly, but always efficient and humorous, the ever-busy Liz, nearly a single-monikered industry personality in her own right, was perhaps best put to somber use for M this March with the announcement that Madonna's former manager, Caresse Henry, had died in an apparent suicide. We look forward to plenty of happier news next year, Liz.

8. Madonna rides the NYC subway (September 8). And now for the year's biggest "Madonna WTF?" moment: Some New York commuters - and intrepid paparazzi - were taken aback to see Madonna herself on an actual Brooklyn-bound subway train filled with actual people. Had the Great Recession finally stung M's bank account? Had she fully committed to eco-friendly travel practices? No, don't worry about her economic well-being - or credit her with going totally green. She was doing prep for her feature film and scouting locations and eyeballing potential shots. Biggest clue that this was an anomaly and the Material Girl does not, in fact, regularly use mass transit: she grasped the subway pole with her bare hand. Ew.

7. Madonna appears on "The Marriage Ref" (March 11). Madonna did buddy Jerry Seinfeld a solid with a winning performance on his execrable show, a novelty throwback featuring a rotating celebrity panel dissecting "real people's" marital issues. Madonna's fellow judges were comedians Larry David and Ricky Gervais, and the trio - who were bemused as to how they found themselves in such an odd format show - lobbed biting bon mots at the via-satellite contestants ... and each other. Madonna, an uncharacteristically relaxed good sport, held her ground against the formidable quipsters and delivered some of the hour's sassiest zingers. Best line that made the broadcast: To Larry David with hand on hip, "You can't handle a woman who stands up to you." Best line that didn't make air: To host Tom Papa regarding an emasculated husband contestant of dubious sexuality, "Ask him if he's ever been to one of my shows."

6. Eight leaked outtakes and demo tracks hit the internet (September 7). Madonna fans didn't get any official new music this year but could console themselves with nearly an album's worth of previously unheard tracks, recorded over the span of several years and ostensibly intended for albums ranging from Ray of Light to last year's Celebration. Late summer proved a veritable breeding ground of leaked goods, providing download-happy Madonnaphiles a cornucopia of tunes (an ABBA cover here, a Justin Timberlake techno-ballad there). While we won't lavish praise on any particular tracks like we (prematurely?) did with "Revolver" last year, standouts include the "Sorry"-esque banger "Broken" (reportedly discarded from Celebration) and urgent, playful "Animal" (Hard Candy), and "Pala Tute" (Hard Candy) demonstrated Madge could still effectively exploit the Romani refrain she mined for Live Earth and Sticky & Sweet's "La Isla Bonita" reinterpretation. Now how about an official one-off single to tide us over until the next album is recorded?

5. Material Girl fashion line debuts (August 3). Forget the luxe sunglasses collection spawned by Madge and D&G in May. The real noteworthy joint venture involved Madonna and Iconix, which licensed her name and, with the creative aid of a 13(!)-year-old Lourdes, traded on her considerable fashion awareness to create and sell exclusively through Macy's a teen-targeted line of clothing and accessories. No shock, then, when Macy's, the second-largest department store chain in the U.S., reported third quarter earnings that exceeded analysts' predictions by a whopping 6.6%. Obligatory controversy footnote: Madonna was sued over use of the "Material Girl" name by rival manufacturer LA Triumph. Regardless of whether or not this is a valid claim, expect a settlement; not for nothing did Madonna re-embrace a 25-year-old nickname she had famously eschewed.

4. Madonna speaks out against bullying on "Ellen" (November 9). There was such a tragic critical mass of teen and young adult suicides this past year that many big names took the initiative to condemn violence against perceived LGBT youth. For her part, self-described "outsider" Madonna did a remote sitdown with Ellen Degeneres for the latter's eponymous gabfest. In a compelling interview that mercifully skirted any of the usual ham-fisted talk show self-promotion, Madonna tipped her hat to the gay community (without whom, she confessed, she'd have no career) and expressed her agitation not just through her eloquent words on the celebration of differences and curbing gossip but by her body language, looking genuinely devastated and torturing a rolled piece of paper with actual hand-wringing. For critics who felt her May statement against the imprisonment of an engaged gay couple in her beloved Malawi was too little too late, perhaps this was ample balm in a watershed year for gay rights.

3. Madonna is named one of Time magazine's 25 Most Powerful Women of the Past Century (November 18). Eleanor Roosevelt. Indira Gandhi. Marie Curie. Coco Chanel. Margaret Sanger. Corazon Aquino. Golda Meir. Angela Merkel. Rosa Parks. Margaret Mead. Julia Child. Martha Stewart. Jane Addams. Oprah Winfrey. Hillary Clinton. Gloria Steinem. Rachel Carson. Aretha Franklin. Sandra Day O'Connor. Jiang Qing. Margaret Thatcher. Virginia Woolf. Estee Lauder. Mother freaking Teresa. And ... Madonna? According to Time, these important female figures "most influenced our world." Amen.

2. Madonna performs "Like a Prayer" during "Help For Haiti Now" telethon (January 21). Madonna watchers are forgiven for feeling anxious about their girl singing on the global stage. After all, we got a well-intentioned but wobbly rendition of "Imagine" on the telethon held for victims of 2004's catastrophic Indian Ocean tsunami. Subsequent sets at 2005's Live 8 (combating poverty) and 2007's Live Earth (eco-awareness) got increasingly better and yielded some classic performances. With only one song slot in this crowded multi-network fundraiser for earthquake-crippled Haiti, Madonna had to knock it out of the park. Going acoustic and, as required of "Prayer" performances, backed by a choir, Madonna acquitted herself more than adequately. She pared down the showmanship and delivered an earnest and affectingly imperfect three and a half minutes. Maybe Alicia Keys or Mary J. Blige garnered most raves of the 19 musical performances, but that Madonna X Factor on display was decidedly critic-proof and proved a strong iTunes performer (i.e., it made money for the charity, the reason for the whole shebang in the first place).

1. "The Power of Madonna" episode of "Glee" airs (April 20). A synergistic blend of music and television turned out to be Madonna's greatest triumph of 2010 ... and she didn't even have to do anything but authorize use of some of her songs. One of the buzziest shows of the 2009-2010 season was created by Madonna fan Ryan Murphy. Murphy built an entire episode of the high school-set musical dramedy around Madonna, integrating many well-known songs under the guise of a threadbare M-as-empowerment theme. A pre-release of Emmy winner Jane Lynch's Sue Sylvester replicating the "Vogue" video shot-by-shot went viral before the premiere of the highly-touted "Power of Madonna" episode. Predictably a Nielsen bonanza for Fox, "Glee" and its first-ever exclusive tribute was watched by millions of viewers. Those viewers, again predictably, then ran to buy the EP of the episode, which rocketed to #1 on Billboard with over 100,000 units sold in its first week. Collateral effects included a triple-digit sales increase of the Madonna catalog and a resurgence of greatest-hits package Celebration. None of this was just a happy accident, of course. It was a brilliantly calculated scheme to extend the brand (here we go again!) for youngsters not normally steeped in Madonna. "Glee" later used the template of single-artist episodes (e.g., a Britney Spears focus) but Madonna was first out of the gate with this pop culture phenom, setting the bar high yet again for those that dare follow.

Top Ten Madonna Moments of 2009

Madonna fell off a horse.

A nude shot of her caused a commotion.

Letterman engaged her in a fizzy chat.

She was protested, boycotted, and booed while on tour.

Quick: What year was it?

The Madonna Meta Machine chugged along another year, and you're forgiven for losing a sense of regularity. Her rare gift of perennial resurrection and reinvention assured that, even in comparatively low-wattage 2009, fresh M news blended with Groundhog Day-ish stories familiar, creating a stream-of-consciousness media cocktail of Madonna lore.

To keep us on track, and in furtherance of her various interests - music, fashion, charity, sexual politics - Madonna was of course at the reins. As she closed out another decade - her third in the superstar stratum - we were reminded of all the irons this lady's got in the fire.

10. Madonna purchases $40 million townhouse in Manhattan's Upper East Side (April 19). Recession? What recession? All but ditching her storied Central Park-adjacent Upper West Side digs, Madonna flexed her financial muscle and gobbled up a double-wide residence on East 81st Street in a record-shattering real estate deal. Why pine for an English manor when you can recreate one across town? Forget that the subway rumbles underneath or that the neighborhood is a smidge less glamorous. The garage! The garden! The wine cellar! The 26 (!!) rooms! You can take the girl out of London ...

9. "Celebration" video celebrates Madonna fans (September 11). The video for the Grammy-nominated title track off Madge's third greatest hits compilation was briefly of interest for its cameos by boytoy Jesus Luz and an eerily mini-me Lourdes ... and nothing else. The real innovation surfaced several days after its debut when the "fan version" of the official video premiered. Featuring cutaways to dozens of Madonna followers - gays, girls, trannies, et al. - who responded to Barcelona and Milan casting calls to don their best Madonna garb and bust out their favorite moves, the video represents Madonna's first true nod to her rabid base in all its tacky, silly, and, yes, joyous glory.

8. "Hung Up" and "Music" make Rolling Stone's 100 Best Songs of the Decade (December 10). End-of-annum lists are, ahem, nothing new, but in the special case of 2009 turning into 2010, we we were treated to a slew of millennial best-ofs ranking achievements since 2000. Considering the sheer number of tracks, genres, and artists jockeying for listeners' favor over the past ten years, it is no easy feat to land on the premiere populist music magazine's end-of-decade roll call of the aughties' greatest songs. It's then gratifying to see not one but two of Madonna's biggest recent hits and best-produced songs - "Music" (#66, released in 2000) and "Hung Up" (#76, 2005) - recognized as modern classics. Especially for a decade during which time and again the Queen of Pop's career was supposedly "over".

7. Madonna appears with Lady Gaga on "Saturday Night Live" (October 4). Well, at least she looked good. The overhyped "SNL" skit centered on a "Deep House Dish"-set feud between Madge and that week's musical performer Lady Gaga, who this year has indisputably surpassed Rihanna and Britney in the race to become the mythical "next Madonna". Leaked dress rehearsal footage suggests the live performance fell apart pretty early on, as the musicians' comic timings and line deliveries didn't connect at all, underscoring the fact they weren't given good material to work with. (As if Madonna doesn't know what a "disco stick" is!) But, hey, credit where credit is due: For the first time since 2003's drop-in on "Will & Grace", Madonna tried to show her sense of humor on network television ... while also demonstrating she's cool with the talent who's hot on her heels.

6. The second leg of Sticky & Sweet kicks off in London (July 4). The top solo concert tour of all time added over $220 million to Live Nation's coffers in the first-ever extension by Madonna of one of her (eight) tours. The slightly altered show - featuring some setlist changes ("Heartbeat", "Borderline", and "Hung Up" were replaced by a postmodern "Holiday", a rocking "Dress You Up", and an updated "Frozen", respectively), costume tweaks, and an ad hoc medley to honor recently-passed Michael Jackson - made 27 dates throughout Europe and culminated on September 2 in Tel Aviv, Israel. There were the expected slew of protests, as noted above, as well as a canceled show in Slovenia and true tragedy: a stage collapse in Marseilles, France that claimed two lives. Backstage drama aside, the mammoth undertaking will live forever on DVD, scheduled to be released in 2010.

5. Madonna delivers Michael Jackson tribute at VMAs (September 14). When Madonna is rumored to open the MTV Video Music Awards, there is cause for excitement. But with the sudden loss of Michael Jackson on June 25, this was no ordinary year, and Madonna's VMAs appearance was not met with the usual excitement as much as a melancholic realization that we were in for a downbeat yet cathartic lecture from a living legend regarding a fallen, sometimes misunderstood peer. [Chills!] Her look echoed that of her 1995 VMAs appearance, and the speech that of her Princess Diana statement in '97, but the self-penned words Madonna spoke about her friend and fellow icon were anything but stale. Sources at rehearsals earlier in the day confirmed that Madonna's rigid delivery was a defense mechanism to an emotional breakdown during her first run-through. R.I.P. MJ.

4. Malawi judge rejects Madonna's adoption bid for Mercy (April 3). In June, Madonna ultimately won her second adoption of a child from Malawi, a three-year-old girl named Mercy James. So it's okay to look back in retrospect and gasp, "Holy cow! Can you believe someone actually said 'no' to Madonna?" Somehow, we all just knew it would work out, but the shocking denial, couched in language purported to protect the nation's children from possible trafficking, didn't instill confidence. It was also, of course, a sobering event for Madonna. She reportedly set aside a plot of land for a potential home in the nation (to refute the superficial reason for the initial denial: her lack of residency), and stepped up her philanthropic efforts, both in Malawi and in Italy. Cooler heads - and Madge's instant appeal - prevailed, and Mercy was Stateside before Sticky & Sweet returned over the summer.

3. "Revolver" single is released (December 14). While the title track from Celebration got the lion's share of the promotional rollout and became Madonna's 55th Top 100 hit and 40th #1 dance hit (breaking her own record), one of the other two new tracks on the compilation is poised to become an everlasting fan favorite akin to less-heralded fare of yore like "Impressive Instant", "Nothing Fails", and "Let It Will Be". And with all due respect to "Die Another Day", "Revolver" is like the Bond theme that could have been, a sexy and gritty song with a killer (sorry!) hook and chorus. Electrobeats and thumping bass ricochet (oops!) around innuendo-laden come-ons likening foreplay to gunplay. Even Lil Wayne's "duet" rap doesn't sound phoned in a la Kanye. Thanks to this, Madonna, we might not all die happy but at least we can enjoy one of your very best recent songs along the way.

2. Madonna wears, uh, something interesting to Met Costume Institute Gala (May 5). She rang the New Year in with a series of sumptuous Louis Vuitton ads for the spring and summer seasons. Everyone seemed excited by the corroboration, especially when word got out that a second set of ads would be released in June. But then Madonna appeared at the annual Met Costume Institute Gala benefit wearing ... that. (And the Photoshopped-to-the-hilt second set of ads followed suit.) Look, if the goal of outre fashion is to simply get people talking - even if that means securing a place on nearly every Worst Dressed list known to mankind - then, well done, Madge. No press is bad press, right?

1. Madonna stars with Jesus Luz in W photoshoot (Feb. 9). During her Brazilian leg of Sticky & Sweet in late '08, Madonna went and got herself a souvenir of the country. His name is Jesus Luz, and he has been her man-panion ever since. (Madonna and Jesus? It couldn't have been scripted better.) The cougarific Madonna, at 50, knew what folks would say when she hired the aspiring 22-year-old model to pose with her in a steamy spread shot by frequent collaborator Steven Klein. Before the issue was even released, tales of the new Mrs. Robinson and her protege were circulating madly. Throughout 2009, the couple(?) vacationed, attended kabbalah services, and withstood marriage rumors. Perhaps still smarting from her recent divorce, Madonna wasted no time in tacitly communicating to the world that she was desirable at any age. And as the decade drew to a close, the two were frequently spotted out together in NYC, where Jesus had relocated to, among other things, stoke his DJ career. Bless.

Top Ten Madonna Moments of 2008

It was by no means a bold prophesy to predict that we'd have an embarrassment of Madonna riches on our hands this past year.

With her countless projects and exhaustively crammed 2008 schedule, from "Heartbeat" to heartbreak, the most famous woman in the world didn't fail to keep her name bouncing around the zeitgeist, notwithstanding a turning-point American election, a global economic crisis, and the unabashed headline-sucking of interchangeably wannabe starlets.

The media couldn't get enough Madonna, even in the (rare) times this year when it seemed like flying under the radar was her M.O. Whether it be a paparazzi fest in the Mumbai slums at the tail end of her long Indian vacation, feverish reportage of a Marilyn Monroe historian's confusion of Sex-era Madonna and her onetime muse, or the pile-on of bad buzz during preparations for the Sticky & Sweet Tour - least of which was the almost-too-perfectly-timed release of "estranged" brother Christopher Ciccone's poison-penned book - the line between sanctioned product and leaks from within the Great Madonna Media Dam became increasingly blurred.

So much happened in the world of Madonna, in fact, that no less than her seventh career Grammy (for The Confessions Tour DVD) is but a minor historical footnote of the past twelve months. The woman had a lot going on.

The following ten events best illustrate what made up the significant signposts of a busy time for the busiest lady, Madonna '08:

10. Madonna hosts UNICEF/Gucci fundraiser (February 6). It's redundant at this point in her career to use the word "controversial" with anything associated with Madonna. Sure enough, some critics sniped that her co-promoted gala fundraiser - with proceeds going to Raising Malawi and UNICEF - was a front for Kaballah and Madonna's eyebrow-raising spiritual endeavors. Others, concerned that the party smacked of commercialism with its direct tie to the Italian fashion house, claimed the head-spinningly star-studded affair - which attracted the upper echelon of the A-list (Tom Cruise, Jennifer Lopez, Gwyneth Paltrow) - violated U.N. ethics rules by being held on the organization's grounds. The bash took place as scheduled and, all told, raised $5.5 million for the causes, a rousing charitable success that silenced her detractors. Later that month, an emboldened Madonna again channeled her inner event-planner, this time on a decidedly more earthly plane, and filled the party circuit void created by the recently-ended writers' strike. Her hush-hush February 24 post-Oscar bash, co-hosted with Demi Moore and held on manager Guy Oseary's L.A. property, enlivened the picket-ravaged town for one brief, shining, ultra-exclusive night. Madge and Demi wore matching golden Diane von Furstenberg gowns and served absinthe to the talent-heavy throng of elite guests. After a winter of organizing such high-wattage events, it's clear that if that whole music thing doesn't pan out, Madonna now has an alternate career - party promoter! - on which to fall back.

9. Filth and Wisdom premieres at the Berlin Film Festival (February 13). There is an old Hollywood truism that goes, "Whatever Madonna wants to do, Madonna does" (see: Dick Tracy, Evita, Swept Away). Back in 2006, Madonna repeatedly said she wanted to helm a film. And so it was. After revealing her intention to direct, she did indeed realize her vision. Defying those who shrugged off what they perceived as mere narcissistic rhetoric, Madonna got down to business. She co-wrote a story, put together financing, and installed herself as the lenser. The resultant labor of love is a semi-autobiographical ensemble piece starring Eugene Hutz (of Gogol Bordello and Madge-at-Live Earth fame) that was shot in and around London throughout 2007. The few reports from the set that did trickle in were predictably not kind toward our budding auteur, perhaps foreshadowing the project's fate. But not before a glimmer of hope had emerged: After evolving through development from a short to a full feature, the film saw the light of day at a splashy first screening at the 58th annual Berlin Film Festival, the reputable global birthplace for such titles as Rain Man and Sense and Sensibility. The main draw for Filth and Wisdom was of course its hugely famous director, who gamely walked the red carpet and participated in a Q&A panel. Hopefully just completing the vanity project and getting such a preeminent launch was its own reward for Madonna ... because the knives came out; reviews were mixed to terrible, and M struggled to find distribution for the movie. Ultimately, it got a limited release, and box office was downright dismal. So why, exactly, is this cinematic flameout so important? In light of the international attention fixed on the project, we're reminded of another Hollywood truism: "When Madonna fails, she fails spectacularly."

8. Madonna turns 50 (August 16). When was the last time a celebrity's birthday received so much press? Madonna was alternately lavished with praise and lashed upon hitting the big five-oh, the former for her amazing ability to stay so vibrant and fit, the latter for her seeming inability to wear "age-appropriate" garments for too terribly long. She didn't mark the day with that long-rumored Central Park gig. Guy Ritchie threw a party at London hotspot Volstead to celebrate with almost a hundred of their closest friends. Since she was only a week away from kicking off her world tour, she was back at the gym the next morning. When asked how she felt about reaching the half-century mark, Madonna laughed and said, "Wait a minute. Stop right there - is it a landmark for a lady? I don't see it as a milestone but everybody keeps mentioning it. I see it as another excuse to have a birthday party." If she wasn't going to make a big deal about turning 50, someone had to. It was the perfect day to open up discussions about persistent sexist and ageist industry double-standards, Madonna's long career, and those evergreen plastic surgery rumors. And her 50th was an inkblot by which analysts could face down their own places in life, eliciting people's perspectives on mortality ("Yes, Virginia, there is a Madonna, and she isn't going to live forever ...") and nostalgia ("... but, wow, do you remember her pissing off the Pope during Blond Ambition? I feel old.").

7. Madonna strikes a deal with StubHub (May 9). Madonna bedded down with ticket reseller StubHub and maybe cheated on her fans in a move that reflects capitalism at its finest. News that the superstar reached an agreement with the eBay-owned company to profit, basically, off of mark-ups in the so-called "secondary ticket market" infuriated fans and industry watchers. (Music blog Idolator, for example, posted a piece entitled "StubHub: The Official Scalper of Madonna Tickets".) Madonna's new label and 360-degree promoter, LiveNation, obviously needed to recoup some of the expenses of sending one of its marquee acts on the road in a downturning economy. The gross of all face-value tickets was not going to cover all the outlays of cash required of the tour and yield a sizable enough haul to justify LiveNation's substantial payout to Madonna, so Madonna and LiveNation taking a chunk of the profits of the prominent reseller made fiscal sense. By securing an agreement with StubHub, Madonna and LiveNation were also given a modicum of control over the marketing for such resales. When brokers and ticketholders wanted to unload their in-demand stash, they most likely turned to StubHub with its guarantee policy and quality control, and LiveNation and Madonna could feel assured in directing prospective buyers to the site. "Forget trying on Ticketmaster," they would essentially say when seats were suspiciously gobbled up, "and head to StubHub!" While the deal was a disappointing reaffirmation to some that the Material Girl's in it just for the coin, it again reframed Madonna as business savvy: If anyone should be making money off of fans' willingness to pay beyond the established ticket prices, why shouldn't it be the artist herself?

6. Madonna debuts Hard Candy material at Roseland Ballroom in NYC (April 30). "Get up out of your seat. Come on up to the dance floor," she commanded. Madonna earned her seventh number one album (second only to Barbra Streisand) with the April 29 release of Hard Candy. Her eleventh studio album - the last with Warner Bros. - is a blend of slick urban production and dance beats featuring contributions from Pharrell Williams (whose production on the suggestive "Candy Shop" and Grammy-nominated "Give It 2 Me" provide a love-it-or-hate-it litmus test for his skills), Timbaland, Justin Timberlake, and Kanye West (offering expendable rap on standout "Beat Goes On"). Critical reception was immediately lukewarm (overproduced or airtight? Instantly dated or forward-thinking?). To promote the album and ensure its "event" status in these file-sharing times, Madonna gave three free performances, the first of which was a jam-packed show at the site where the Music promo tour roared into New York in 2000. Eschewing a distinct "look" for this particular era, Madonna forwent cowboy hats and henna tattoos for an uneasy collision of athletic boxer edge ("hard") and visuals of literal sweets ("candy"). About 1,800 fans lucky enough to win a contest or brave enough to wait for hours outside the venue witnessed Madonna premiere the new songs. (The show was simulcast online by MSN.) "Candy Shop" became the latest in a string of Madonna songs made cooler live (see also: "Impressive Instant" and "Future Lovers"), and energetic closer "Give It 2 Me" gave her backup dancers a nice platform to exercise, while uptempo ballad "Miles Away" allowed Madonna to strap on a guitar, as she did for a noisy, hard rock-tinged "Hung Up". She also juiced this millennium's "Holiday", "Music", with an '80s backbeat sample and retro New York vibe. Timberlake joined Madonna on stage to perform their hit duet "4 Minutes" as they darted around roving video screens. Madonna later took the show to Maidstone, England and Paris to shore up international support. Meanwhile, the album has rivaled American Life for the dubious distinction of being Madonna's least-selling domestically to date (despite gold certification). On the other hand, it is one of the best-selling worldwide albums of the year, increasing Madonna's global tally over three million units.

5. I Am Because We Are premieres at the TriBeCa Film Festival (April 24). Madonna hit the film festival circuit again to introduce the documentary she had been writing and producing since 2006. I Am Because We Are, directed by Nathan "Madonna's gardener" Rissman, is a film about the struggles of African nation Malawi's populace in the face of hunger and malnourishment, political instability, and AIDS, with a keen focus on how these ills affect the country's millions of orphaned children (including Madonna's adopted son, David). The generally well-received movie explores - through profiles of several Malawian orphans, interviews with luminaries such as Bill Clinton and Desmond Tutu, and input from relief workers - as per an official blurb, "all sides of the dilemma, from responsibility to victim mentality." First stop on this movie junket was New York City's seventh annual TriBeCa Film Festival, where the first screening was instantly oversold, a sign that Madonna's name could lure fans to a message movie. Five additional SRO screenings followed. Then, on May 22, seventeen years after Truth or Dare arrived at the Cannes Film Festival, Madonna went back to the glitzy French seaside fete to unveil I Am Because We Are, but the good intention behind the movie was dimmed by the huge yacht party - ironic, no? - thrown by Diane von Furstenberg and Barry Diller to honor Madge. Madonna even did buddy Michael Moore a favor and pressed the flesh at the Traverse Film Festival in their shared homestate of Michigan on August 2. People camped out to see her, and the little-known festival - that Moore helps program - suddenly made headlines. Sayeth Mr. Moore, "[Madonna's] presence here in Traverse City will have a profound impact on people." Said impact could manifest in humanitarianism ... or maybe concert ticket-buying. It was at a panel at Traverse where she giddily announced her world tour's Detroit homecoming, the first since 2001's Drowned World Tour. Unfortunately, the good news about her return may have come too late; the Detroit show, on sale several months after other markets, was the poorest-selling on the tour.

4. "4 Minutes" becomes Madonna's 37th Top Ten hit (April 2). With all due respect to Elvis Presley, the King has been displaced by the Queen. The lead single off Hard Candy, a Grammy-nominated ditty sung with Justin Timberlake against a chunky trumpet rhythm, vaulted into the Billboard Top Ten and became Madonna's 37th song to do so. That number nudged past Elvis' previous record of 36 Top Ten hits. "4 Minutes" soared to and then stalled at #3, giving Madonna her biggest hit since 2000's "Don't Tell Me", and Madonna found herself in the Top Five in twenty-eight countries. Anticipating the popularity of the song thanks to JT's presence and Timbaland's polarizing, trademark hitmaking production, Madonna shot a high-concept, high-gloss video that was nominated for a choreography VMA. In the clip, Madonna looks amazingly young as she nonchalantly flees a black, amorphous CGI entity devouring everything in its path (parking lot, supermarket), and she doesn't seem out of place gyrating next to the decades-younger Timberlake. Riding the song's digital download success and taking advantage of the immediacy of the internet, Madonna even hit YouTube on April 16 and encouraged fans to upload covers of the song. Concurrent with the song's breakthrough was a ubiquitous PermaSilk shampoo commercial to which Madonna had licensed the distinctive "4 Minutes" hook. By the time Hard Candy was released, everyone could finish the following sentence: "We only got four minutes ... " Speaking of the lyrics, someone still needs to hold Madonna accountable for the line "What I need is a you intervention, yeah." Really, Madge?

3. Madonna is inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (March 10). The powers-that-be at the Cleveland-based museum dedicated to influential musical artists nominated and voted to include Madonna in her first year of eligibility. She was inducted alongside Leonard Cohen, The Dave Clark Five, John Mellencamp, and The Ventures at a ceremony held in New York's Waldorf-Astoria hotel. Her lengthy acceptance speech, if a bit self-indulgent and marred by the loving but annoying heckles of a raucous fan in the upper balcony, was shockingly delivered in her old whiny American accent (yay!) and touched nicely upon all the noteworthy Madonna Legend highlights, from her Breakfast Club band to the major producers, songwriters, and managers she's worked with. Without being overly cloying, she recounted her mythological ascent and thanked the various players that helped shape and support her twenty-five year career. Just as Grandmaster Flash before her symbolized the Hall of Fame's inclusion of diverse styles of music, the welcoming of Madonna into the hallowed inner sanctum of industry icons further acknowledged the redefinition of "rock and roll" to incorporate genres like pop and dance. This huge milestone would have been ranked even higher but for a slew of cheapening distractions: demerits for the garish outfit and hair/make-up; the innuendo-laden introduction by Justin Timberlake that bordered on disrespectful at best, offensive at worst; and letting Iggy Pop utterly murder "Ray of Light" during his post-induction "tribute" performance. It wasn't Madonna's most graceful evening, which is unfortunate considering the weight of the honor. However, in keeping things "edgy" (in her mind, at least) by, say, wearing a transparent dress and mentioning use of Ecstasy, Madonna reminded the music bigwigs and, by extension, us that she wasn't going to accept what boils down to a lifetime achievement award with a silent bow and then disappear.

2. Sticky & Sweet Tour kicks off in Cardiff, Wales (August 23). Okay, let's just get the bad news out of the way first: Madonna's fourth major tour in seven years, while breathtaking in sheer spectacle, was saddled with the same stale structure (i.e., dramatic video opener, four sections, didactic political montage, sporadic guitar playing, extended closing singalong, LCD screen catchphrase finale). Some audiences griped that there were sound problems. Entire segments of the show felt rehashed, a pinch of the promo tour here, a pastiche of Live Earth there. Many (or, more than usual) numbers appeared to have a distracting backing track. The official show start time became a laughable afterthought as she angered some with diva-level tardiness. Oh, and Australian fans got hosed ... again. Now the good news: The very, to borrow a word used in nearly every single review of the tour, aerobic nature of the show was utterly exhausting and awe-inspiring in equal measure; Madonna proved to be the inimitable dynamo of lore. While that (yawn!) controversial, heavy-handed "Get Stupid" video had more eyes rolling than minds changed, stripped of its context within the show, we're left with a great hybrid song cobbled together from several Hard Candy tracks and given an urgency lacking in Madonna's last few albums; expect it to find a second life on iTunes playlists everywhere. "Dress You Up", "Open Your Heart", and "Everybody" were just a few of the songs resurrected by fans during a first-of-its-kind request and singalong portion of the show, unique at each performance. Madonna again proved her formidable power over the press by constantly making admittedly facile, headline-grabbing comments about easy-target conservative V.P. candidate Sarah Palin and voicing her support for Barack Obama and gay marriage in California. Madonna truly re-invented her back catalog with a surprising setlist that incorporated at least one song from every studio album (except Like a Virgin). And more great moments: Pharrell Williams and Timbaland appeared in Miami! Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake joined the show (alas, separately) in L.A.! Madonna Double Dutched! She actually sang "Don't Cry For Me Argentina" in Argentina! She rode a car down the runway! She mashed up "Vogue" with "4 Minutes"! She joyfully evoked buddy Keith Haring! Now the best news of all: Madonna will break her own record as Sticky & Sweet wraps in Brazil as the highest-grossing female-led tour of all time. Phew!

1. Madonna confirms her divorce from Guy Ritchie (October 15). Not everyone can name Madonna's latest album or tour, but everyone under the sun knows that Madonna is getting divorced. From "I Deserve It" in 2000 through "X-Static Process" in 2003 to "Miles Away" in 2008, we were treated to a somewhat insider's view of the evolution of a marriage in song, but the Mrs. Ritchie chapter has now been closed. We've been hearing the constant speculation for years, seemingly since December 22, 2000, when Madonna married the British director (and father to son Rocco) in Scotland. This year's round of doubting the strength of their union began in earnest when Guy was a no-show at several important Madonna functions, including the Filth and Wisdom premiere and Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction. Tabloids called in the body language experts to analyze the increasingly rare joint appearances they made. Quietly, Madonna had retained Paul McCartney's divorce lawyer. Later, amid the aforementioned health concerns, grueling tour rehearsals, and baby brother drama of the torturous summer of 2008, the troubled-marriage rumors that plagued the superstar couple were particularly ablaze: The bizarre love triangle of Guy Oseary clients Madonna, Yankees baseball player Alex "A-Rod" Rodriguez, and Lenny Kravitz - with A-Rod's wife, clandestine rendezvouses, and secret getaways to Paris thrown in for good measure - appeared too surreal to be true. Conspiracy theorist tabloids then decided that Madge and Guy were wagging the dog to spike ticket sales after already agreeing to divorce after the tour. But then Guy reportedly had a change of heart and demanded the dissolution happen sooner. It all came to a head on October 15, when flack Liz Rosenberg acknowledged the divorce was happening. Sticky & Sweet barreled on, and a rather quick settlement was announced, ruining the hopes of those who were expecting and perhaps rooting for an ugly battle. After all, a dirty fight seemed all but certain based on the nasty gossip about both sides that started polluting the blogosphere and tabloid universe after the divorce was confirmed. Armchair therapists will debate what did the marriage in; was it a cocktail of adultery, Kabbalah, M's reported desire to move back to NYC, friction over David's adoption (finalized on May 28), ego-fueled industry rivalries, or some/none of the above? Divorce is not easy on anyone, and Madonna would be forgiven if she wilted a bit from the stress. But perhaps boding well for healthy singledom was her first public appearance since a divorce settlement was imminently expected. When Madonna stepped out in a grassy Louis Vuitton skirt for a UNICEF event on November 19, no one paid much attention to the queer dress, as it was indisputably the best Madonna has looked in years (insert "Who's That Girl?" joke here). She'll survive. And probably thrive. Remember how creatively fecund Madonna was after her divorce from Sean Penn? Let's hope the next Like a Prayer awaits ...